Please, I need some opinions. My marriage is possibly over. Over something so stupid. Help, please?

My husband who was worried about heart problems went today to get his results of various tests. He's been on antidepressants, now on his second one. He took one and he didn't think it helped so the dr gave him cymbalta 30mg then upped it to 60mg. He was an *** around the time he changed (really bad). So now he's taking 60 and today the doc told him to continue. Luckily he's not dying w/heart problems. I was so relieved and happy when he came by my work and told me. But here's the stupid thing that happened. I commented on the antidepressants that when he changed it affected his moods in a bad way. I didn't cut down the doctor or contradict him in any way. I just added that. He went off on me. He told me I wasn't a doctor and I didn't know everything like I thought I did. He left, said he was getting his meds and going home.





Well he didn't. He wouldn't answer his phone, then when he finally did he was still irate and yelling at me, calling me Dr. ****our last name being a total smart **** jerk! I was so upset.





We've been fighting over this and I told him I would leave him if he had this little respect for me. He told me I should just keep my thoughts to myself! Obviously meaning he doesn't want to hear my opinion. It really hurts. I think he hates me and he thinks I'll just shut up and obey him. I told him if he didn't like me being me it is over! I think this is the stupidest thing to fight about and he won't be nice. I apologised for offending him but I swear I didn't say anything that SHOULD have offended him. I even wrote him a very to the point letter explaining my intentions and how much I love him and how stupid this is. I really love him but doubt he loves me or he wouldn't treat me this way.





He's in the living room right now playing his little online ps3 games! Socializing and having a ball. I'm in the bedroom still about to explode with rage! Am I overreacting to want to bail. He's shown lack of respect over stupid stuff before. I work and bring home the bacon. He stays home and has a free life. Am I expecting too much to not get yelled at and hated over bs like this?????





Well, if nothing else thanks for letting me rant about it. I've got to do something to get it out. he won't talk or listen.





Please, I need some opinions. My marriage is possibly over. Over something so stupid. Help, please?
Well your right about a few things. I'm on meds and have been for 2yrs now since I was told I had cancer. This baby *** ***** needs to keep his F-CKING mouth shut. The meds he is on will change his mood swings and he should read the reactions of the medication before opening his pie-hole. I've been on many different meds over the last 2 yrs and I appreciate any input my wife gives me when they get changed around. There was a 5 day period when I was on one med when I don't remember anything for 5 days at all and my wife said I was a complete *** H-le when I was on them. After she took me off of that drug, it wasn't until then that things were starting to go back to normal for me. You may want to contact his doctor without your husband knowing about it and tell the doctor what has been happening. If you love your husband, hang in there and wait to see what happens. If you don't, it's your choice as what to do. I'm very grateful my wife was there to see the changes and do something about it on her own. She took the meds away from me and got rid of them.Please, I need some opinions. My marriage is possibly over. Over something so stupid. Help, please?
i can guarantee you this problem is long in nature and not just today's argument





he has a social defect that he has had for years


you probably over looked it when you dated / married him and now it's coming to clear focus for you


and that's what's probably gnawing at you





leave





lack of respect is no excuse


bi polar or what ever you want to call it





personally i do not buy off on depression / bi polar





as it is an extremely convenient crutch to fall back on as the reason for outbursts





if you are the bread winner and he is nothing but a loafer, then leave









I think too many people abuse drugs, and your husband is using them as a crutch.





take away his games until he can behave himself, or better yet, get yourself dressed up and go out on the town with your friends.
Call Jerry Springer...
hmmm...seems like a very popular problem these days...I'm talking and he won't listen. Or he's a complete *** when I say anything.


Do you have children with him? Is he abusive? If not abusive, I say work it out. You chose him, now make it work. It can only get better?
Sounds like your husband is selfish and spoiled. If he does not get his way, he throws a temper tantrum just like a 2 year old. If he has a problem with the truth, then he needs a reality check. He is supposed to be a mature adult. If he thinks he is, then he needs to act the part.





Call his doctor and tell him how your husband has been acting after taking that high of a dosage and see what his response will be. The doctor will reevaluate the meds and will hopefully get it down. After your husband comes down off that high, then talk to him and let him know he hurt you real bad.
Like anything if you both work together this will be overlooked in time and pass if you truly have a working relationship. I think I'd give it time for the higher dose to kick in...being an SSRI drug he should be more mellow than that. In the meantime it sounds like if you really love him youll need to walk on eggshells and be more cautious.
I think you're overreacting and drawing rash conclusions over nothing. Which is probably why he exploded because he's sick of you overreacting over nothing. Your question here just bleeds of overreacting to the point where you're saying now your marriage is over??? Come on....plus you were making threats about ending it all with him. What does that say about your feelings on the relationship to a guy who cannot read minds?





Look...just let him blow off his steam. He's going through a lot and when things are calm again...talk to him....don't overreact...talk to him like a calm, cool, and collected individual. Because the moment you overreact or antagonize him...he'll blow again.
I think his problem is that while the both of you were thinking that he was possibly dying of heart problems he now thinks all you were worried about was how much of an ****** he was while taking medications that were saving his life. He feels hurt and betrayed by your comments, no matter how simple or unintentional they were.






I got an idea, take his little ps3 game station and throw it out the window. tell him your not gonna take his childish annoying rants and that you deserve the same respect that you give. Just give him some of his own medicine. I know that when you train a dog, they sometimes snap back. but if you kick the crap out of it they will cower every time you come close.
Call his doctor and tell him what's going on. Maybe the doctor can up the meds again or add another that will control this violent temper. If the doctor can't help, then you're headed for big trouble. This kind of rage can result in 'reaching out and touching someone', if you get my drift.


Good Luck !!
I have 2 suggestions. Sometimes it takes a while for a patient's system to get used to a new drug. If things do not improve, YOU should call his doctor and tell him. Don't argue with the doc, just tell him what is happening to your hubby.
I think he got overly defensive about your comment. You have a right to discuss his behavior since it usually affects you somehow. If he is so closed minded that he can't appreciate your concern and attentiveness, he has more issues than depression. His heart does have a defect when it comes to unconditional love and respect. From now on I would take his reaction(s) as part of his personality and character. Either refrain from speaking about anything sensitive and repress the bitterness that will soon follow, or get in some counseling to learn how to communicate fairly, or move on...
Sometimes going to the extreme will work. Kick his butt out. He'll be back, you take care of him.
Talk with his doctor, tell him how the meds have changed him. Some folks act differently to different meds and the ones he is taking may not be agreeing with him. You can talk with him (the doc ) and he cannot tell your husband that you called (if he does then he would have a problem)


Tell him exactly how he is behaving. there are too many other meds out there and sometimes it takes a while to get in your system and get you leveled out, but other times...the meds are just not the right ones... and be sure that he is taking them..and that he doesn't stop the meds on his own. Withdrawal symptoms are bad coming off some of the meds, so keep an eye on him. Good luck
It's not always so much what you say, but how you say it. This may apply to both of you. PS3, what's next Chuck E. Cheese. How much could you expect from a man who doesn't work and chills all day. I don't think this episode was a complete surprise to you. I wish you all the best. It will die down.
It sounds like there's more going on than what you mentioned.. I don't think your pondering divorce after a few weeks of hard times. You know what you need to do for yourself at the moment, maybe separate temporarily at the most. Have you thought about couples therapy? Usually meds take a lot longer than that to take effect, much less have the dosage upped. He's probably really manic, which is probably a good feeling for him, but very hard on everyone around him. Maybe the couple's therapist would notice this in him, and may be able to help out the situation. A third party opinion won't hurt anything.
It is true that some antidepressants make you have mood swings. So you just have to think that it could be the meds that is making him react to what you said the way he did. Do not give up on your marriage over a little argument. Sit back and wait until you feel it is the right time to discuss this situation with him. Remember depression is an illness. Some people don't want to accept that but it is. Don't take no crap from him though but just try to not take what he say so personal. Hope things work out for you.
I say two things. 1) He needs more help than just cymbalta. And 2) If this fight is going to ruin your marriage, then it probably never was meant to be.



you have GOT to be able to talk and communicate, let thengs coll, then try WITHOUT anger.
I told YOU before...You are married to my EX..Good Luck...You are the 4th to live with Him..We all can't be wrong?? Keep an eye on thoses Bank accounts..He also has secret bank accounts you do not know about...He hides money...and girlfriends!!!